FOR SALE: VICTORIA'S EVENTS

Following on from last week when Premier Steven Marshall said South Australia wouldn’t be behaving like vultures in attempting to secure major events from Victoria, news has emerged that the Premier is willing to bid for a one off return of the Formula One Grand prix to Tailem Bend.

And it got me thinking over the weekend, why shouldn’t we bid for major events in SA and take them away from Victoria?

Would there be any reason not to?

Well, it turns out there may be a few.

So here’s a list of events we could steal, why it would make sense, and why we might have a problem.

1. MELBOURNE CUP

YES: Not too many people want to avoid taking a day off to get dressed up and have a day off work.

NO: My betting record is awful on the gallops and I can’t afford more than one Cup Day losing streak a year.

2. FORMULA ONE GRAND PRIX

YES: Think of all the revenue that could be generated by the state government if those cars were let loose on Adelaide streets. So many speeding fines!

NO: The Lincoln Highway doesn’t have enough bends to make it an interesting race, plus do we really need those insufferable bores Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel ruining poker night at the Great Northern?

3. AFL GRAND FINAL

YES: With Collingwood based in SA, think of the roaring trade our local dentists would do in creating dentures!

NO: Bostons and the Crows still wouldn’t get off the bottom of the ladder.

4. NRL STATE OF ORIGIN

YES: I’d be happy, so all of the yes!

NO: You’re wrong. Just wrong. There isn’t a no case to be made here and if you make one, I hope you feel bad.

5. AUSTRALIAN OPEN TENNIS

YES: Eugenie Bouchard is single, and Canadian, AND I need a date…

NO: Do YOU want to be woken up by those grunts at 1am after a marathon five-setter pushes the last match back?

6. AUSTRALIAN MOTO GP

YES: We can handle the Teakle Auto Sprint, so why not give the bikes a shot?

NO: Can you imagine how fun it would be if the bikes got written off and they had to go to Lincoln Mowers and Motorcycles and use ride on mowers instead?

7. MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL

YES: Who doesn’t like live comedy?

NO: What would those comedians make fun of when all their material is taken away by leaving Melbourne?

8. BOXING DAY TEST

YES: It’s the Boxing Day Test, think of the history and aura.

NO: It’s test cricket. I don’t need the extra sleeping pill after Christmas leftover lunch.

9. MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL

YES: What’s wrong with Lincoln Cinema?

NO: Have you seen some of the movies the festival produces? The Crows’ premiership chances in 2020 are better than those things.

10. MELBOURNE STORM NRL CLUB

YES: You can never have enough sporting diversity and it’s rugby league!

NO: If I wanted a small, strange looking guy full of his own self-importance always whingeing and trying to tell me what to do every day, like Cameron Smith does, then I’d just have Beebs co-host Good Morning EP...

So, what do you think?

How many of these can we, or should we, steal from Melbourne?